Monday, May 14, 2012

Something Written in 2005

Most travails and thoughts in the everyday look foolish, or insignificant, and not that big of a deal when enough time has gone by.  The saying, “hindsight is 20 20” is often applied to once stressful situations as a consolation of the uncontrollable known and unknowns.  For those of us who are fortunate, most of our time is spent accomplishing minor goals, making small decisions and building on things slowly in thoughts and deeds.  This is the way time works and befuddles but there is nothing diminishing about this as it is simply the way things are. 

Today, more then ever, we have the ability to glimpse back at one’s former self through a variety of means like pictures, video, digital social archives, etc, to re-see oneself.  This happened to me the other when I was searching for a recipe file in my computer and came upon a folder marketed ‘old computer’ and in that folder there was a document with various ramblings of mine from 2005.  In 2005 I was 24 years old and had just graduated undergrad the previous spring.  It was startling to re-read my 24 year old self’s words and thoughts.  It was honestly a bit cringe-worthy but there were also small revelations and consistencies with my current self.

The below is one of these small ramblings (without edits) and within it there are things I still believe, others I don’t and a variance in stylization and word use that seems touchingly idealistic to me.   The ability to self-reflect in various measures of time and mediums is comforting, I highly recommend it to everyone, even if it makes you wince at times.

April 15, 2005

We are living in a culture that is fumbling to find what is “real” we are all active in knowing what are the unspoken truths and rules of behaving yet there is constantly the action on self mutilation.  The desire to be recognized, to be singled out, to be noticed, not invisible has manifested itself in an absurd behavior of uniformity.  The uniformity of things allows the fine tuning of distinction to really show.  Homogeny stimulates a level playing field that once actively participated in results in a fierce process of comparison. 

As singular entities each individual is distinct and interesting, it is the relationship and thus comparison to others that makes an individual undiscript.  That is why many find the act of isolation and social hermitage, or critical disassociation as a zone of comfort.  There the individual is always the highest standard to be measured upon. Parallel to this isolation behavior is the act of miming.  Most individuals have a distinct knowledge of the social apparatuses that surround them.  Not only this they see the faults, flaws and traps and also how difficult it is to overcome these conditions of social integration.  In this position the individual has a few options, one is to fully integrate and to have these concerns pushed to the backs of their heads and slowly let it rub out the spots in their brain that makes the concerns have significance.  The other is the one that most opt to participate in, to be active in social constructs but have inner debates on this choice of inclusion. The conflict that arises form this has created the need to debate and to further analyze the questions of existence.  Sadly many of these debates reach only a certain strata of society for many times issues of instinctually survival enmeshed in a the flawed social construction results in behavior that is outside of reducible reasoning.