Monday, December 24, 2012

Blah blah blah

Holiday season is in full effect and I for one can’t wait for it to be over.  I can’t wait for this whole damn month and 2012 to be over.  Gawd damn Mayans and their false hopes.  Still here, barely, and as much as it’s a downer to be a downer, it’s the truth for me at this moment.  Are my blahs due to the general crap-tack-u-lous state of my life, and probably a lack of sunshine, serotonin and love life?  Yes, yes and yes but I also blame the universe for the general malaise that is casting shadows on me and I’m sure many other people as well. Those who are giddy this time of year, good for you but bugger off (in a nice way).  I need this time to wallow in the whoa-is-me, at least for a little bit longer.  Holidays, end of the year, birthdays if you have them around this time, are weights that measure your present state, your year gone by and the things to come.  We all have to grin and bare it and get dressed in the morning and know that it is all going to be fine, next year will be a-ok, the next you will be super, everything is super-duper-a-ok-fine but sometimes you need to take a time-out of the progress and life-fulfillment machine and just hunker down with a big piece of self-critical face slapping. 

Being blah is so blah, I know, no one wants to talk about it.  Only teens and those that are in some alt-lit communities, who are basically regressed teens (desperately so), find pleasure in this condition.  Everyone is supposed to be chill, a-ok, confident, fun, malleable, easy to be around.  Everyone is supposed to be having a good time, letting others have a good time, being inspiring and weird and interesting and never personal.  Personal is out, Detachment is in.  It’s all good in a way because really, emo is just so emo, but being a perpetual outsider (not in a romanticized way) is just the worse in this current cultural climate.  There are sayings like, “I would never a join a club that would have me” paraphrasing Groucho Marx, which act as ego balms for self-labeled non-norms but really, we all know that’s not true, not deep down.  We all want to be a part of the club, if it’s a club that is super cool and full of good looking, interesting, creative, successful people.  I don’t wait in lines, (only for really good sample sales) but I would secretly wait on this line and so would everyone else.  Admitting a need to belong isn’t weak, it’s honest. 

2013 is coming, can’t wait for it because these last few months of 2012 have left me wanting to Bas Jan Ader myself.  To trend report or to reflect on what’s to come is as interesting to me a cold hot dog on the ground but I will chime in on one thing.  2013 will be about communities, these groups, mini-tribes of people that are huddled and bound by the dense and rich subcultures they inhabit.  The time for the observer, like me, will be made irrelevant in this concentrated form of culture.  You can’t passively observe if you don’t get what’s really going on.  This is the most interesting thing that is happening.  With all the bigness and vastness of the internet, things have not gotten more expansive in respects to sub-cultures.  It has gotten more compressed and deeper, which is not a bad thing at all, but it is a thing for sure.  This is the year that if you are not a part of one thing or another you will be like a tethered balloon with no other balloons to party with. 

So what to do?  Who knows.  I don’t have a clue.  All the skills that are rewarded by the internet and it’s ways of trolling, seeking, connecting is something that I know how to do but find even less compelling then the hot dog thing.  Being anti- to anything is duller then being pro- anything.  Being into things is good, finding things that make you go “gah!” is the best.  Hopefully there will be things in the coming days, weeks, months and year that will make my brain and heart go gaga but until then, I will embrace the last bits of my blah.  Cry it out, feel sad, be depressed, act like a crazy person, wallow in the bleakness that is your existence.  It’s okay, it means you still have something persisting inside of you.