Monday, September 28, 2015

My Brain Melted and All I Have Now is Goo



I already wrote over 3,000 words today and although that’s not a lot it’s a lot when its for very different things and also when you are/I am recovering from jet lag, drug fueled nights and so much drinking that you think where does it even go. Back in London for two days now and I feel like a wrung out spongy sponge. My limbs and joints and even hair feel limp and ropey. So yeah, I have to plop here and write this thing cause that’s what I apparently set myself to do but my heart’s not in it and instead of pretending otherwise you/readers are just going to have to deal with a blathering blab of blah. But you have been forewarned. Eject yourself now if you desire something else or even if you just have to go to the bathroom. I seriously feel I’m a crazy person just talking to myself on this thing sometimes. Sigh, whateves, here goes a bunch of non-sense thoughts clogged in my brain that I will evacuate for the sake of online amusement.

It would be fun to have someone that you could wear matching outfits with. Like head to toe matching outfits. Guy girl, whateves.

Drummers are sexy but bands aren’t.

Enthusiasm is overrated. Like really, life isn’t that fantastic all the time.

I’m grumpy but pretend to be social but everyone knows I’m grumpy so I just seem bitchy.

Guys who give out drugs free to girls are probably really creepy and bad.

When I tell people I’m from New Jersey they start speaking in a very stupid Jersey accent and I want to punch them but I just smile instead.

Studio spaces seem weird. It’s an office, hangout, refuge that most probably don’t need and the ones who do need them don’t care to show you what’s inside.

I wish I had a lot of money so I wouldn’t have to think of money but I guess I don’t think that much about money so maybe I have money.

Getting a job seems impossible. Working seems important though. Why do I get Linked in alerts so much.

People with difficult to pronounce names are difficult to be around sometimes and they are really hard to introduce to other people. I just mumble sounds that I think are their names and hope they say their names properly.

I want a boyfriend but then when people want to make out with me I’m just like, no, and bored immediately.

I have really good tan lines at the moment but no one will see them and that seems fine.

I wish I knew how to make a lot of things out of origami. I only know how to make a crane.

That feeling when you thought you were in love with someone but in reality you just like being in love.

I post too much on Instagram and then I erase things and then I feel stupid.

Going to see shows in Mayfair is like trying to find fancy crappy shoes for a wedding you don’t want to go to.

Talking to gal pals about sex and love lives is what I do probably 90% of the time when I hang out with gal pals.

I wish someone would cook me food. Why isn’t anyone cooking me food right now?

The idea of making a living off of writing seems comical. Laugh then frown.

The idea of paying back student loans seems looming and abstract. Strong desire to hide money in a shoebox and disappear to some place that likes Americans.

Want to quit smoking but then wake up and think, “life.” And continue to smoke.

Going back to New York seems not fun. But I know it will be okay. I hope I don’t have to move in with my parents or work as a Communications Director. Stab self in eye.

Ignoring people is easy.

White guys who like Asian girls. Laugh then frown.

That feeling when you know you are the most important person to someone else and they are the most important person to you.

Wanting to look pretty and go out but you get tired and take a nap instead.

People who have 1,000+ unread emails makes me realize that some people are just not meant for each other.

Water is probably the best drink ever.

People who like green juices still freak me out.

Wanting to stay young looking seems stressful and will only make you look less young looking.

Guys with interesting names are usually interesting.

Having more female friends then male friends when you are a female seems important.

Knowing a card trick would be nice.

When you are not good at telling stories but you hang out with people who are and make them tell your story for you seems efficient.

When you are a certain age as a women and you talk about it too much it can be annoying but you can’t stop because it is so the truth of things.

I feel that telling white, harmless lies will actually get you more out of life but am unable to do it somehow.

That feeling of being free and liberated because you are single but also feeling scared as fuck that you will be alone forever.

The feeling that you will never ever, ever, ever have sex again and also feeling you will never, ever, ever, miss it. Scary.

When you want to do something crazy with your hair but you just look at yourself and think, ‘who cares.’

When someone offers you weed and you don’t smoke.

Driving is fun when there isn’t any traffic and there is good music.

Trying to think in another language and getting headaches from it.

Calling someone who you shouldn’t just because nothing matters anymore, not even your dignity.

Going to an opening and seeing your crush talking to a younger, prettier girl. Stab self in eye.

Pretending to care what people are talking about. Nod head and smile.

Walking alone at night is the best feeling in the world sometimes.