I already wrote over 3,000 words today and although that’s
not a lot it’s a lot when its for very different things and also when you are/I am recovering from jet lag, drug fueled nights and so much drinking that you
think where does it even go. Back in London for two days now and I feel like a
wrung out spongy sponge. My limbs and joints and even hair feel limp and ropey.
So yeah, I have to plop here and write this thing cause that’s what I apparently
set myself to do but my heart’s not in it and instead of pretending otherwise
you/readers are just going to have to deal with a blathering blab of blah. But
you have been forewarned. Eject yourself now if you desire something else or
even if you just have to go to the bathroom. I seriously feel I’m a crazy
person just talking to myself on this thing sometimes. Sigh, whateves, here
goes a bunch of non-sense thoughts clogged in my brain that I will evacuate for
the sake of online amusement.
It would be fun to have someone that you could wear matching
outfits with. Like head to toe matching outfits. Guy girl, whateves.
Drummers are sexy but bands aren’t.
Enthusiasm is overrated. Like really, life isn’t that
fantastic all the time.
I’m grumpy but pretend to be social but everyone knows I’m
grumpy so I just seem bitchy.
Guys who give out drugs free to girls are probably really
creepy and bad.
When I tell people I’m from New Jersey they start speaking
in a very stupid Jersey accent and I want to punch them but I just smile
instead.
Studio spaces seem weird. It’s an office, hangout, refuge
that most probably don’t need and the ones who do need them don’t care to show
you what’s inside.
I wish I had a lot of money so I wouldn’t have to think of
money but I guess I don’t think that much about money so maybe I have money.
Getting a job seems impossible. Working seems important
though. Why do I get Linked in alerts so much.
People with difficult to pronounce names are difficult to be
around sometimes and they are really hard to introduce to other people. I just
mumble sounds that I think are their names and hope they say their names
properly.
I want a boyfriend but then when people want to make out
with me I’m just like, no, and bored immediately.
I have really good tan lines at the moment but no one will
see them and that seems fine.
I wish I knew how to make a lot of things out of origami. I
only know how to make a crane.
That feeling when you thought you were in love with someone
but in reality you just like being in love.
I post too much on Instagram and then I erase things and
then I feel stupid.
Going to see shows in Mayfair is like trying to find fancy
crappy shoes for a wedding you don’t want to go to.
Talking to gal pals about sex and love lives is what I do
probably 90% of the time when I hang out with gal pals.
I wish someone would cook me food. Why isn’t anyone cooking
me food right now?
The idea of making a living off of writing seems comical.
Laugh then frown.
The idea of paying back student loans seems looming and
abstract. Strong desire to hide money in a shoebox and disappear to some place
that likes Americans.
Want to quit smoking but then wake up and think, “life.” And
continue to smoke.
Going back to New York seems not fun. But I know it will be
okay. I hope I don’t have to move in with my parents or work as a
Communications Director. Stab self in eye.
Ignoring people is easy.
White guys who like Asian girls. Laugh then frown.
That feeling when you know you are the most important person
to someone else and they are the most important person to you.
Wanting to look pretty and go out but you get tired and take
a nap instead.
People who have 1,000+ unread emails makes me realize that
some people are just not meant for each other.
Water is probably the best drink ever.
People who like green juices still freak me out.
Wanting to stay young looking seems stressful and will only
make you look less young looking.
Guys with interesting names are usually interesting.
Having more female friends then male friends when you are a
female seems important.
Knowing a card trick would be nice.
When you are not good at telling stories but you hang out
with people who are and make them tell your story for you seems efficient.
When you are a certain age as a women and you talk about it
too much it can be annoying but you can’t stop because it is so the truth of
things.
I feel that telling white, harmless lies will actually get
you more out of life but am unable to do it somehow.
That feeling of being free and liberated because you are
single but also feeling scared as fuck that you will be alone forever.
The feeling that you will never ever, ever, ever have sex
again and also feeling you will never, ever, ever, miss it. Scary.
When you want to do something crazy with your hair but you
just look at yourself and think, ‘who cares.’
When someone offers you weed and you don’t smoke.
Driving is fun when there isn’t any traffic and there is
good music.
Trying to think in another language and getting headaches
from it.
Calling someone who you shouldn’t just because nothing
matters anymore, not even your dignity.
Going to an opening and seeing your crush talking to a
younger, prettier girl. Stab self in eye.
Pretending to care what people are talking about. Nod head
and smile.
Walking alone at night is the best feeling in the world
sometimes.
