I’m back in NYC. It was a hell of a trip. One of the most frustrating annoying trips I have experienced. One where everything seems to go wrong. One of those soul crushing trips that is not terrible in big ways but is demoralizing in the small ways.
Anyways. It’s over, thank gawd and I am in a makeshift room but with clean sheets and new mattress so I just want to pass out asap. But then I turned the lights out and remember that it’s Monday.
Needless to say my brain is fried, and dead and my will to live is like zero.
But whatever. I’m going to fill at least a page because I guess I have to in a way.
Raf Simons leaving Dior. That popped into my head. That whole Dior and I movie thing felt a bit of a put on. A very strategic PR stunt post Galliano meltdown. Now Galliano is with Margiela. I like Simons. I like Margiela. Galliano has always creeped me out even before the anti-semitic rant. I think it’s his moustache that has always creeped me out.
Anyways fashion. It’s big in the art world right now. Like really is becoming a form in it of itself. Not like we are used to. I think this is happening right now because art “art” is just so blasé and so so so so capitalized that it has lost anything punk about it. Fashion still has this ability, in a way, because it is so overtly capital that being alternative to it goes hand in hand. It’s easier to be against the thing one is versus to continue a delusion of what it is not.
Books. I’ve been thinking a lot about books. To write a book seems crazy. There are so many books out there. So many bad ones. Handful of good ones. I wish I read a young writer (23-33) that wrote really really well. Knock my socks off well. I haven’t had that experience in a long time, if ever. And I mean a big thing, not a poem or short essay. Those are more common and manageable. I mean a serious piece of work.
Also, the idea of being smart and that being super uber duper cool. I think smart/being intelligent is the only exciting thing these days. So many people spending so much time being cool when they should all just go read a book or do other things that make their brains bigger.
Also emotions too. Do things that make emotional awareness and capacity bigger too. Obviously that is super cool.
Religion. I am really into choirs. These you mostly find a church. I like the vesper prayer things at cathedrals. It seems pagan, welcoming in the end of the day. Also no preaching but still formalities so not too compromising. Boys singing. Seems strange that women don’t have an offshoot of that tradition still in religion. Maybe the boy being a boy and not yet a man makes the whole thing more something. The idea of tenuousness through the voice.
Staying still. Going to make a concerted effort to stay still more often. In all facets of my life. Seems productive in it going against my general nature. To go against one’s nature is really necessary sometimes.
I think this is all I can muster tonight. Promise to be more cogent next week and to also spell check. Can’t be bothered with either. Night night.