Haha, it’s the New Year and while I know this blog is supposed to be about art and culture related things - you know, I know- that it sometimes digresses into a very bad episode of Sex in the City (which I have only seen ~2 episodes of) but yeah, I imagine that that show (like this blog) is at times seen as blatherings by some obsequiously privileged girl/lady who lives in the city. Anyways, thatsa me! And damnit, I don’t care! Ha! 2016 baby! The year of giving zero fucks. So with that in mind I’m going to talk about whatever the hell I want (as I always do), and this time around I want to talk about being single.
I’m single. This is not that big of a deal but at the moment my singledom has become a ‘thing’ rather then a mere ‘whatever’ that is just a part of life. Obviously age and gender have a whole lot to do with this. I’m a women and I’m 34. Luckily we don’t live in the Middle Ages anymore which being those two things would make me a witch or a dead witch. And although it’s better, especially if you live in New York and doubly so if you are in the art world, it still pretty much sucks.
It sucks for two reasons. One, everyone around you is all coupled up and two, the idea of still being single at a certain age reflects that you are somehow bad at life.
The first thing sucks not because you don’t love your friends and not because they are with someone who rules and obviously makes them super happy – this is totally awesome to witness – what isn’t cool is when you are the 3rd, 5th, 7th, 9th, wheel of anything/everything and also how dynamics of friendships shift.
When you are single and you’re friends with someone of the same or opposite sex and there is some potential for sexual possibility, and that person is in a relationship with someone else, it’s really hard to keep up a friendship. In my case, I’m a women and straight. So if I was friends with a straight male before he got into a relationship then I can still be friends with them but I can only hang out with him once a month (maybe), only text very occasionally during daylight hours and never-ever-ever drunk text or call even if you just saw the most hilarious thing happen that only they would understand.
If you meet a new male who already has a girlfriend and you know you two could be pals, there is not chance in hell you and them will ever hang out without the girlfriend. This is a code. One that makes sense and one that should be respected, but yeah, this means guy friends are tough and complicated to hold onto.
On the other side. When you are single with your girlfriends who are in relationships, then you get to have ‘girl time’ where you are the pied piper of craziness (shots, sex talk, flirting shamelessly, drunk walking to an Uber). This is fun, but exhausting and there’s a line that is felt wherein they talk about their relationship issues and you talk about your issues/issues aka not having a relationship. There’s negatives and positives relayed so that there is a seeming balance between your lives, they complain about the boring sex and boring dinner parties, you complain about them not texting you and not remembering their first name, but in the end you’re single, they’re not and when that Uber comes to drive you to your homes the difference of what awaits you can be a heavy truth. Darkness, darkness, darkness, doom-doom-doom.
All this is oh-so hetero-normative but hey, this is just my take on it from my life. There are of course related and varying degrees of these situations in all spectrums of relationships.
All these little dumb accumulations of things makes one feel compressed in the second reason of why being single sucks. You’re smart, you’re not bad looking, you have personality, you crack jokes, you cook well, you smell nice, you got good teeth, you read books, you can banter with the best of them, so why? Why, why, why, are you still single? So many reasons right? I’m not going to go there but that feeling of ‘WTF’ when thinking about your love prospect status can sometimes be down right brutal.
I know, I know, all will be well. And I know, I KNOW, being in a relationship can be the absolute worst thing ever. All that familiarity breading contempt, all those stretched out dull silences between bites of food, all that ‘I wanna punch you in the face’ when they do that smirk or say that phrase. But, I guess after being single for a while now, I have forgotten those tedious, mundane trappings. More then anything I feel ready, open, and dare I say able(?) to be in love. Wanting and saying THAT word aloud I know will curse it all but that’s the truth of it.
So, what to do now for myself and for all the other single ladies in New York and in another cities where being in your 30s feels like it has set off some sort of Captain Hook clock that all possible mates seem to be able to hear? I obviously have no idea really but for the time being: Plan A- Go out and about, make eye contact and try to make out with everyone. Plan B - if Plan A fails, move to LA or Berlin as it seems you can’t walk (or drive) a block and not meet someone that wants to madly fall in love with you.