Monday, February 8, 2016

What you should eat when…



Watched the Super Bowl yesterday and wow, that was possibly the boringest game I’ve ever watched (I actually really like watching sports) and that halftime show was such a visual disaster. Cringe all around and can someone please make Beyonce stop with her window-shopped politics? She’s as bad as Ai wei wei. Anways… all things sucked about the game but it did make me think about food which I have been doing as a diversion from ‘the meaning of life’ thoughts. The spread during the game was very nice at my friend’s place. The classics like guacamole, chicken wings (exceptional), pulled pork sandwiches, and a variety of dips and chips. I made gimbap (kimbap), a Korean nori roll thing. Very not Super Bowl but it’s all I had at my house that could be easily transported and didn’t require utensils.

I guess since the game and the spectacle around it was so dull, the only impact if the evening was the food and that made me think about what the ideal food would be for certain things. Here are some thoughts on this for your late afternoon Monday perusing. 


What you should eat when you(‘re)…

Going on a movie date: Sushi – It is neat, it doesn’t make you smell and it won’t make you pass out from carb overload.

Going to see galleries in the daytime: Falafel – Filling and quick.

Visiting a Museum: Soup and salad – Eat an hour before or right after, maybe a fancy salad to make you feel more fancy about eating salad and going to museums.

Wake up from a mild hangover: Greasy Egg Sandwich – I like mine on an everything bagel.

Wake up from a mega hangover: Spicy Ramen Soup – Something about cheap spicy, lots of carbs ~$1 food is a savior (w/ soda too).

Reading a good book: Chocolate spread on toast – Lil suger, lil crunchy to keep brain going.

Reading a bad book: Doritos – Will make things have proximity of shitness.

Riding in a car for more then 3 hours: Apples, pears, Pretzels – All things that you usually don’t want to eat but in a car they seem like the most delicious things ever. Plus you can chuck the cores out the window.

Meeting with an Ex-Boss: Thai or Vietnamese – Color and flavor in case things are dull or it’s been a long time.

Going to see music: Nachos – Will give you the will to stand all night.  

Going on a blind date: Alcohol – Who can eat when you are meeting an actual stranger?!

Visiting your parents: Whatever they want – Avoid minor tragedies.

Visiting your relatives: Cheesy, carby things – Naps on the couch are an excusable escape.

Post sex: Anything cold and salty – Like cooked ham, cold pizza, anything that can be consumed standing in silence and requires only the light of the fridge.

Pre sex: Fruit – Juicyyy.

Bored at work: Chocolate – Close your eyes and imagine you’re in a far away place.

At a funeral: Sandwiches – Understandable mechanics in the time of grief.

At a wedding: Champagne and cake – Even if the wedding is at 10am this is acceptable.

With a vegan: Whatever they are eating – It’s not a big deal all around.

With someone gluten free: A baguette – Like eat the entire thing while looking them dead in the eyes.

With co-workers: Pizza – Diminishes all systems of rank.

With someone you secretly don’t like: Waffles or omelets – Both are non-revealing and passive foods.

With someone you secretly do like: Waffles or omelets – Same as above.

Before an interview or test: Poached Eggs – It’ll make you feel like a god damn adult.

At the beach: Gimbap (kimbap) – Google it, it will make you feel healthy and cute.

Going through a breakup: Chinese food takeout – Anything that can be eaten out of a box and comes with disposable everything is key.

Late night/early morning when you finally return home: Spoonful(s) of peanut butter – Fill belly without waking up bloated.

Don’t have any money but your out with friends: Soup of the day – All that free bread.

Out with someone who doesn’t have money: Sandwich or something else that can be shared – Sparing embarrassment is one of the kindest things you can do.

Eating alone: Pasta – It’s comforting, cheap and versatile.

Having a dinner party: Anything that can be made in advance and just heated/ assembled quickly– A truly good dinner party host(ess) is one that is at the table with their company.