Monday, March 21, 2016

Spring Haikus



It’s spring ya’ll. Ya it just snowed but whatever. NYC weather is like the bipolar friend that you love anyways because it makes your life more interesting. I am literally feeling so ganked out from running myself ragged these past few weeks and while I sip on some orange soda and listlessly stare out into the void that is the meaning of life I will exercise at least a little part of my brain by posting some haikus.

These are all possibly (actually) very bad so please don’t hold it against me. Here’s to spring and all the sexy NYC times to come.

It has only been
Two days since you slept near me
Seventy degrees

Have not talked all day
Saw you were active online
Liked your ex girlfriend

The only thing wrong
Is the gaps between your teeth
Otherwise you’re fine

What is that building
Look blank and shrug my shoulders
Never knew don’t care

Blank blank blank blank blank
What you would find in my brain
Empty is easy

Drinking drank drunk
Wiggle your toes to music
Remember to smile

Try to be clever
Something next to something else
Clever is boring

The sun was rising
The alarm had three more hours
Close eyes lay awake

They’re going to run out
The oligarchs and Chinese
Sooner or later

Taking baby steps
Telling me all your secrets
Delete phone number

The water was green
Your eyes were green and yellow
Take perfect selfie

The best looking girl
Never talked in that city
Say what hun and laugh

Everyone I know
Is looking for something else
Lay down and close eyes

He is attractive
She is not as good looking
They must be in love

Went to the bathroom
Told him it was a nice time
Yes that’s how it is

So bad he writes me
Frantic in trying to explain
Maybe see you soon

Call you and high five
I just got my period
Boys should get cramps too

A drink a lot less
Then I did in twenty twelve
Cry a lot less too

Your face is waxy
Not sure how we ever touched
Boring food on couch

If I keep saying
That I am updateable
Turn into cat next

Secret crush on girls
When we hug our boobs will touch
Messed up pheromones

When you are typing
And your cat decides to sleep
On top of your hands

Every time you post
I imagine you smirking
You post dumb ass shit

That time when you ask
How many people you slept with
Make them answer first

Just woke up at two
Idiot regret jesus
Every god damn day

Couples who hang out
Really just want to have sex
Pretend they were drunk

Wow you bought a house
This is what my face looks like
Smile that shows my teeth

Wow you have a kid
Yes they are special
One in some billions

The past week I spent
Close to five hundred dollars
Four hundred over

Do you think I care
Humble bragging sycophant
Friends in high places

After the fifth date
We might lie in bed together
Have work the next day

Still reading that book
Started it while in London
Drink too much to read

Bored to tears she said
Text everyone that she knows
Eat melon in bed