Monday, December 19, 2016

Yeah, I Want Presents




Even though I act like I don’t care about the holidays, I’m no Scrooge. I love giving presents and tapping along to holiday music and going to holiday parties and being ‘festive’ and all that. I’m literally wearing flannel right now. Flannel. Yuck usually but today it makes me feel like a winter hiker even if it’s being accessorized with heeled boots and a fuzzy faux fur vest. The holidays make socializing even denser then usual but it also puts into stark light the coupled hole that is my dating life. Yup, still single and actually sort of into it but it would be really convenient to get some more gifts if I had a romantic plus one. Materialistic, possibly, but who doesn’t like getting gifts? No one.

Gifts don’t have to be expensive, but they require exchanges of time. Time to think about them, time to get them, time to do them etc. Labor, time, and affection are inextricably linked. There are healthy and unhealthy ways of doing this but in the end it does have meaning and value. 

With that in mind I’m going to share with you my wish list. These aren’t only gifts that a lover would give but everyone around me, myself included, are poor lil’ babies at the moment so these are wishes for when times get more swish and monies more disposable. Enjoy the act if giving and of receiving and whatever you do, try to wrap it with love.


Cleaver – A cleaver knife is the most underrated knife in the knife box. They are versatile and you look extra unhinged when yielding it while you pretend to be a psycho.

Perfume – Wearing perfume is an art in a way. When you find a scent that you love, and loves you back, it’s like putting on fancy underwear. Scent and memory are animalistically linked and this is one tool that we can literally be a walking triggers for. Currently looking for a winter scent. Recommendations welcome.

Sheets – Fancy, white, insane thread count.

Food Jars – I buy from bulk bins at the food co-op and I like glass jars. I’m a secret crunchy hippy, always.

Diamond Ring – I have never had a diamond anything and I’m like so not getting married so I just want one to confuse people and to go ‘ohhhhh, ahhhh’ to while I type.

Radio – Vintage one that will perpetually be on WNYC or a new-fangled digital one that can stream music and WNYC.

Pans – Notice a kitchen theme here? Having really good, solid pans is life. Cooper ones are amazing but down for whatever.

Winter Hat – I want a big fuzzy, furry (not real fur) hat that makes me look like a snow princess who has magical powers and a really warm head.

Earrings – I can only wear 14k gold in my ears and I lose them all the time via romping in bed and it’s expensive and most 14k earrings are ugly and why is life so hard.

Cat Tower – Loving my cats = loving me.

Ikebana Vases – Can everyone I know who can make vessels/vases of any sort make me an ikebana vessel/vase? I’ll make you an arrangement and cook you food in exchange.

Winter Jaunt – Someone take me anywhere for a few days. Just arrange it all and let me caboose mindlessly and create adventures.

Michelin Meal – Still have not eaten at a Michelin star restaurant. :,,(

Lamps – Over the last few years I have realized how important lighting is to domestic interiors. So so important.

Watch – I haven’t worn a watch in ages but I think it would be nice. Dainty and efficient.

Money – So I can give to NGOs, non-profits, and friends in need.

Socks – So basic but how is it possible that you have a drawer of socks but feel like you have zero clean socks all the damn time?