Monday, March 27, 2017

Craigslist Free Stuff Stories

Sometimes when I get bored at work I kill some time and go to and look at the listing of “Free” stuff. I do this because I think it’s a funny way to see how some people live their lives. I guess the idea of taking time to post something online, on craigslist, to take a photo of it and list it for free seems like something different then anything I would ever do.

Below are some silly made up anecdotes/stories and comments based on the images listed as of this date at 1:06pm.

This is weird but meh.

Black Leather Sofa (St. George Staten Island) – Lawyer who is moving his office after he found out that his wife was having an affair with his partner at the firm. During meetings he used to sit on the arm of the chair and sometimes he would place his coffee cup on the top of the seat. He always hated his wife and this couch so he feels fine about all of it.

SBS Technologies Digidesign Expansion Slot Chassis (Bedstuy/Ocean Hill) – What the heck is this even used for?

Moving Out. Giving away furniture for free (Midtown East) – All my stuff is from IKEA which made me have an okay life and maybe if you have these things you too can have an okay life. (Sobs)

Sofa/bed and Chair/bed (Astoria) – One time Bob, from the office, dropped by and we ended up making out on this couch but then my foot hit the wine glass on the floor and we both decided to call it a night. The glass didn’t break though. It was plastic.

free hens and all equipment(Rockaway Park) – OMG, WTF. They are feeding the chickens spaghetti and they are named after Jazz/Blues singers. WTF?!

Red and White Striped Chaise(Flatbush Ave) - We make popcorn in the microwave at least 3 nights a week.

Excellent condition (Brooklyn) – I have a van. Get at me.

IKEA - Klippan LEGS ONLY(Upper West Side) – Hi, I’m giving away the bottoms of ikea legs things because WHY THE FUCK DOES ANYONE NEED THESE? Maybe you do. Call me.

China Cabinet – “Was good use to our family for years, touch it up and make it the same for your family.” Gotcha.

CREAM FOR Diaper rash/pressure sore-preventing cream-FREE (IRVINGTON) – Sometimes you think that the world is a boring place but then you see that someone thinks you need their supply of diaper rash cream and you think this world is bonkers.

FREE Medical Oxygen tubing, nasal cannula, mask, inhaler, brand new(IRVINGTON) – Feel like this is from the same seller as the diaper rash stuff… #dark

Queen-size sleep sofa (Clean) & Loveseat (Stamford) – Why does it seem like so many people from Stamford like to sell their stuff online for free?

Free 3x3 Raised Garden Bed(Greenpoint) – You got to be serious. You are basically asking me to get rid of a box of dirt for you.

Brita Pitcher – I feel like people who use Brita pitchers are just not my type of peoples.

Frank Frank Goldstein & Nager Mouse Pads (Midtown West) – Hi my name is Frank Frank Goldstein. I ordered these mouse pads but heck, no one seemed to want them. I guess Fran was right. Signing off, Frank Frank Goldstein.

Shelves – All these shelves yet so much emptiness in my heart.

Free Dresser & Mirror (Must Pick Up by Thurs 3/30) (Stamford, CT) – When asked if they liked the outfit for the Murder Mystery Dinner, Chuck relied, “you look fine my dear.”

"Seat and a Half" with Ottoman -- club chair -- easy chair --- lounge (Katonah) – Sally used to read books in this chair with Dusty (the golden retriever) sitting near her feet when she was a little girl. When she got older, Sally gave David (the boy next door) his first blowjob while he was sitting on the edge of this seat.

Lumber Wood (Brooklyn) – Pick up this wood cause you want wood right?

My girlfriend left me, my girlfriend left me, doo-da-doo-da.

corner TV stand (SOUTH OZONE PARK) – What your interior design looks like when you lost your will to live.

FREE 300 GLORY Frank Miller motion picture poster comic con (Midtown West) – Dorky but loves to share. Seems like a nice guy.

Porcelain Bathroom Sink Combo(East Williamsburg) – This is the sink that is in all those bars in BK when you accidently vomit but you okay.

1960's Industrial Desk••••••pickup only (Brooklyn Navy Yard) – Artist desk in a far away land.

Baby Goat looking for a new home(NJ) – This goat is cute super freaking cute. Poor goat.

 free wooden pallets (williamsburg) – K.

Wooden Cabinet, Metal Cabinet – Not sure what the heck I’m looking at…