Monday, March 20, 2017

Everything is Basically Weird Right Now




Are the planets all being crazy at the moment or something? Am I living in an alterna-verse where I am not slick backed cool haired Trinity but more the stuck in the mucus pod? I ask because I don’t know about all of you but everything seems off, weird, bizarro. Perhaps it’s my lifestyle but I don’t party THAT much. Or do I? Hmmm… Anyways, I am sitting at work and when I try to think thoughts my brain feels like a bumper car hitting the walls. Light and sounds are firing but I’m like, ‘oops the wall, oops the wall’ over and over again. I think we all feel this way sometimes and since I’m always one to say fuck it and embrace it here goes a crap list of all the crap that seems to be weird to me at this moment. Enjoy! Or don’t, whatever.

Talking to People – The other day I was doing a studio visit and the artist was talking to me and I was paying attention and could understand the words coming out of their mouth but I literally felt high. I wasn’t high at all but I felt like I was in this weird cone of silence/buzzy plane where I might pass out or feel a swoosh of euphoria. It was very unsettling. Also another time this weekend I was talking to someone and I just couldn’t remember what they just said. I knew what was being talked about but the sentence/statement they just said didn't fully register. Not sure what that’s about. Maybe my brain is like shutting things off for some protective reason but nonetheless it was freaky. Also if we talked this weekend and I seemed sorta spaced out, I was probably having one of these moments. My bad.

Polyamory/ Casual Everything – Okay! I get it, we are all hella evolved sexually and while conceptually I totally get it, I just can’t abide. Seriously, is everyone just DTF like whomever, whenever without any emotional commitment? If I have to hear, ‘Let’s keep it casual’ one more time I’m going to throw dirt on myself and call it a day. I think open relationships totally make sense but only AFTER you have established deep bonds first. How can you disassemble trust if you don’t have a foundation of it first? All this poly/undefined everything seems like a bag of phooey to me and I think it’s modern societies way to prevent deeper levels of intimacy because >Gasp< if people actually had to care for one another this whole detachment thing would fall to pieces. I’m not judging, everyone do their thing, but the more I choose not to do it the more backwards I feel. Perhaps I am, I haven’t been convinced yet though…

Trump  - Never, ever going to be able to deal with the fact that this ass hat is our President. Four years feels like a goddamn eternity. I hope something good comes out of all this… And here’s to hoping that we don’t all die in the meantime!

Weather – We did it everyone! We fucked up the planet! Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Art Openings – Feel like they should serve food from now on. Like snacks and also have places to lie down. Like futons and couches and big pillows. Blankets would be nice too. I guess I just want to go to bed at these things but also have snacks and light airy convos about art and gossip. Also drugs. Free drugs would be nice too.

Having to Do Things – Every damn day you have to do things. Like wake up. Dress yourself, eat stuff. And if you want to have an actual life you have to nurture relationships, communicate and contribute. It’s cool to do stuff. It actually can be rewarding but Jesus-h, it’s unrelenting! Sometimes I will be walking down the street or about to climb the stairs and I’m like ‘fuck this.’ And I just stare off and feel the weight of existence and then I take a deep breath and keep going. It’s not a depressed feeling; it’s like the reality of reality sort of feeling. Does anyone else get this way? Probs.

Self Absorption vs. Criticality – As the recent blog posts can probably attest I am in a very strange state of mind recently and while it would be soooo much better for me, and everyone who reads this thing, if I just SHUT THE FUCK UP, I just can’t. I have been obsessing lately about self-obsessing. Super gross I know. Anyways, for those that know what it feels like to be a sorta crazy person sometimes, the act of self-reflection is really necessary because it helps you cope and find ways to deal with and adjust emotions and behaviors. But this is also really bad sometimes because one falls into the pool of Narcissism. It’s not a good look. Not sure the point of this but ya, I totally think I’m being self-absorbed and weird and blah blah it’s very unattractive. Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all? NOT YOU! GO TO SLEEP, CHILL OUT AND EAT SOME REAL FOOD!