Monday, April 24, 2017

Seven Deadly Sins



Oh my gawd. Is it just me or this Mercury Retrograde kicking your butt too? Literally at the screaming into the silent void mode and although I know that, ‘this too shall pass,’ it feels like some indomitable force of crap-on-crap daily crap fest. Anyways, these last few weeks have been a bit grueling and I’ve been trying to put my finger on just exactly why. This led me to think thoughts about Karma and Murphy’s Law and things like that. Today, while continuing to ponder on the epic scales of WTF of late I thought about the Seven Deadly Sins.

Not sure why but it feels like it’s time to excise and to confess the deep dark down there thoughts related to the concept of said Seven Deadly sins because like every Roman Catholic flagellating oneself for inane self inflicted guilt is our favorite pass time.

I’m doing this all in the attempts to purge whatever bad juju I might be compacting in my soul with the hopes that it will exorcise something and make me feel a bit more on track and in control.

For those that are doing just fabulous of late, fuck off and congrats.


Pride

Ya’ll who read this know that I have a massive ego. To do this type of crap week after week, year after year is only a sign of some deep level narcissism and while I totally admit to it (with pride!) it is a bit much.

Let’s break this down a bit more though… Is pride ego? Or do they (white Christian boys club) mean something else? I’m not sure but it seems like in today’s culture/society ‘pride’ is actually the goal. To have pride is to self-love and that is the thing that we (Americans) are told is the penultimate of self-actualization.

Let’s think of this as opposites and consider humility as pride's contrast. So what is humility? The ability to not only ape a scale of self in respects to accomplishment and stature but to really feel the connectivity and reliance of others in those things.

It seems like an easier ask to have more humility then less pride in this day and age. Maybe I should be more prideful to have more humility? IDK... Philosophically confused over this one.


Greed

There was a phrase that an artist once said to me that has stuck with me for years and that is that people are either “Needies” or “Greedies.” I think the jist of what they were meaning is that we all take but it's the form of that taking that defines us.

I think I’m more of a Needie than a Greedie but nonetheless it’s a bad thing. Of course I want things and feel I deserve it. Don’t we all! But I guess when it comes to greed, like money and power, I’m a bit averse to it because I’m a bit lazy about it all.

But this isn’t about how I’m not these things so here are things I am greedy/needy for: attention, recognition, energy, excitement, change, security, fabulousness, fun, free things, designer clothes, affection, time, control.


Lust

Lately I have been super lusting after attractive people that I see just hanging out shirtless or looking super stylish in the city. I don’t have actual sex thoughts, it’s more like I giggle to myself and feel warm and fuzzy in my head.

Does that count as lust?


Envy

Serious though, I had a big case of envy last week for real. This person I know from the art world got this really killer job and I think they sort of suck and I literally had a massive freak out of, whoa is me, what the fuck have I done with my life, I’m a failure, melt down.

When I see my peers making it to high places, especially in the art field, I usually am totally happy for them. For real happy! They deserve it, they have worked hard, I am proud of them and for them but there are times when you see this happening and it makes you want to bash your head and scream. These times happen because you don’t understand how they got to this or that position or place and its makes you realize that you are a part of a game and system that rewards certain things and that being one of the last ‘punks’ standing means that it will never ever be your reality.

I absolutely admit that I was salty as shit about it and while I’m over it now, wow did that envy hit hard and make me felt icky. 


Gluttony

I’m skinny ya’ll.

(But sometimes I go on benders where I drink as much as a man and can do drugs for 8 hours straight. It’s not cute. It’s really, really not cute.)


Wrath

I’m a self-anointed Scorpio and my wrath is like the center of a volcano that is just chilling for the right time to explode.

I don’t actually ‘get mad’ cause I’m so over everything nearly all the time but when I do get upset it’s like ice meets lava and even my vapors will destroy innocent bystanders.

Is Wrath linked to revenge? Not sure. I’ve wanted to get revenge on people but yet again that seems complicated and too much energy so usually I just have an intense movie play in my mind of said revenge where my eyes can pierce holes through their face but then I get a text message and I forget about it.

Those that feel real wrath are fucking scary. Yikes.


Sloth


This is probably the sin that I’m most guilty of, of late. I have been so slothy recently that I have that stupid sloth grin and walk all slow.

For most people with some awareness of the shit that is reality, sometimes you have ups and sometimes you have downs. Currently I’m in a down aka a spell of depression and my depression this time around is me sleeping a lot, (like a lot) and binge watching internet TV and laying horizontally on my back as much as possible.

It’s a sad look but meh, this too shall pass.

Energy given is energy received so out of all these deadly whatevers, this is possibly the worst because the deeper the hole you dig and longer it takes to get to the light.

I’m going to sloth it up for a few more days but by end of this week, watch out world. I’m going to be a pride filled, wrath envying, greedy, sexy, fat goddess.