Monday, January 15, 2018

Meeting Someone You Like, You Don’t Like, Are Ambivalent Towards


 
What a strange week it has been. During the last few weeks I have been hyper social. I think I’m on day 15 of going out every night… It’s too much I know but unfortunately there doesn’t seem to be an end in sight, at least not for another week or so. During this time I have met a bunch of new people. Some have stuck out for one reason or another and some are just there. Below is a little reflection on what it feels like to meet new people in the social pool that is New York.

Meeting Someone You Like

This seems rare and the older you get, even rarer. When I say ‘someone you like’ I mean really like. Like they make you feel sparkles and different somehow. Coming into contact with someone new that can promote this type of energy is exciting and it’s hard not to just headlong dive into it. There is a type of magic that seems to be happening and because it’s so rare you embrace it and sometimes with irrational enthusiasm.

It’s a bizarre thing, to think about why you ‘click’ with someone and not with others. Is it timing? Is it some sort of past life re-meeting? Is it some matrix inside joke or is it just fun synchronicity? Who knows, but when it does happen it’s extremely fun because it somehow cracks your reality but also makes you feel more comforted that there are ‘like’ people out there that you feel akin to.

The danger of this magic dance is that it can be entirely all too consuming and possibly delusional. I think instinct is what is key at these moments though. Meeting a new person can energize but can also deplete. Balancing that is important and I think most of us have an internal warning bell that prevents, or at least tries to prevent, us from falling too deep in the mire of the new.


Meeting Someone You Don’t Like

This is pretty rare as well and unpleasant. To me, it’s not really all that bad and not really that discomfiting but more annoying. I truly believe that there are just people that one does not get on with and there may not be any reason why. It’s like animal dislike and while it may be there, stark and reeking, it doesn’t mean that you have to bite each other.

When I encounter someone I don’t like right off the bat its not just by an immediate glance or conversation but a series of cues that accumulate and register in my, ‘no’ box in my mind. These types of interactions are usually easy to avoid once determined but the kicker is when you and that someone you dislike are gravitating in the same social networks and you are somehow stuck bumping into and having to interact with said person. Now that is truly a drag and sometimes dangerous.

It is dangerous because the repeated contact, interaction, even if slight, with the person you don’t get on with accumulates and even the slightest thing about the other person can drive you mad. Then there is the possibility of explosion or lines of war where you both make everyone around you pick sides and then it becomes a hot mess of simmering gossip and pettiness. It’s all very gauche.

What I try to do when I meet someone I don’t like is to just ignore them. I will be polite if I have to be for the sake of others but it’s really quite easy to avoid someone while still being chill about it. I think festering, talking about or fueling one’s dislike for another just leads to bitter, bitter pain and frankly is so awful to be around for others. So ya, sometimes you might be oil and they might be water but who cares, no one wants a oil/water salad to begin with.


Meeting Someone You Are Ambivalent Towards

Maybe this is the cruelest type of interaction, meeting someone that makes no real impression on you. So many times I have met people named, Sarah, Mike, Jessica and so many times I don’t even remember meeting them. And yes, a lot of that is my fault. I’ve probably been drinking and just said ‘hi’ to 40 people and will say ‘hi’ to another 40 by the end of the night but yeah, so many times people get soooo upset that you honestly don’t remember them and the one minute conversation you had with them three weeks ago. 

Outside of meeting people in dense social situations, you sometimes meet these types of people in more intimate settings and although they are just fine and sweet and totally chill, they just someone slide off you mind with no effort by them or yourself. This evaluation probably reveals me to be a jerk, and maybe that is completely true, but dang, this happens a lot, and I think if you are honest with yourself, you will admit to it too.

I’m not sure why some people just feel like wall paper in a social setting and I’m not sure they care about it, which is somehow generous in a way but yeah, blending in seems a bit sad and odd. Most may think it’s the shy ones, the introverted ones, that this pertains too, but that’s not it at all. The shy ones are the most complex many times, but it’s this other type of person, one that is blank and inoffensive and tagging a long that I find so unmemorable.

Monday, January 8, 2018

Guest Conversation with Anonymous Guy



Lying on my bed, recovering from my lifestyle. Going to give you a random splay of thoughts, questions and possible conversations with an almost stranger that happens to be sharing the same space and time with me today.


You are very excited about art. Maybe. My favorite thing you said today was that people need to put time in with art, that it is easy. I think of art is hard…but maybe it is brain damage.

Earlier today I asked someone to ask me a question because I felt like they didn’t ask me enough. They asked me how many dates I had been on in 2018. I had to think about it because I have been ut almost everyday in 2018. It is 2.5 dates.

But really, what had been happening is you had been talking about yourself all morning and forgot that this person had been asking you questions for the past 12 hours. He had a pretty good idea of what all your answers might be at that point.

But really how do you feel about Roberta’s [BUSHWICK]?

Do people enjoy going to art openings or is it some form of social enterprise? I went to an opening last night and I will be honest. I barely saw any of the work there and nor did I even care to. It feels bad to admit that but I think that’s true for nearly everyone there. I liked my friend’s piece but feel bad I had so little curiosity about anything else there.

It’s sort of like sex and music. The music doesn’t really matter unless it is really bad or really good. Otherwise, it is only there for the people that are feeling slightly bored or awkward. In those moments, it’s a great chance to check out and pay attention to something else. Also, if you show up at 8pm to an opening that was from 6-8pm, it’s unlikely that you will look at the art…or get any beer.

I HAVE A HUGE ZIT ON MY FACE.

I wonder what it’s like. I know what it is like to have the zit—the embarrassment of having a busted face, the pain cuz it hurts…it is huge and won’t go away. But, what’s it like to be the zit? Is it happy taking up all this space? Or is it uncomfortable, just waiting to explode?

Sometimes it feels good to be irresponsible. Most of the time I live my life responsibly. But then there are days/weeks/sometimes months where I just unhinge myself and make what seems like ‘bad’ choices. I think that is something everyone should allow themselves to do, once in a while.

Is every other day once and a while though? I wonder…
I don’t like the feeling of being hung over—not the headache or the nausea, but the airy anxiety that leaves you feeling that you don’t exist…or, that if you do, it doesn’t matter. It’s kind of nice to have someone’s weight on you in that moment to remind you that that anxiety isn’t real.

People have been talking a lot about the weather. The coldness. It’s cold. I think that’s good though. I like how it makes people act different, eat different, dress different, spend time in different ways. It’s sad to be alone when it’s really cold outside.

Cuffed.

I’ve never used handcuffs in bed. I have used ropes. I guess that’s something people do sometimes. I wish I could sleep for a whole week straight. I think in the future they will make a drug where you can sleep for a whole week straight and it be okay. I think rich people would really like to brag about how they can sleep all the time. I learned this week that people get upset when you call them ‘rich’ that’s stupid.

I take it as a compliment.

Tuesday, January 2, 2018

Rules For 2018




Sorry everyone that I didn’t blog yesterday. If you saw the state I was in, a barely breathing garbage bag of a person, then you would understand that it was better for everyone that I didn’t even attempt to write anything. Anyways, 2018. Here we are. Another year and I’m not sure about you but 2017 was sort of the worst. I have a feeling that this year will be better. Gawd, it better be so with that in mind I’m going to do a little list of rules for art, life and general things.

Hope 2018 will be the best year yet and here’s to out with the old and in with the new.


Drink Less – Being in the art world is synonymous with drinking. It is hyper social and especially in NYC, alcohol is the fuel and the fire that makes us get through all those social situations. Drinking less can feel hard to do, an active choice that is many times questioned with suspicion or reverse judgment but ya, I think we can all do with some sobriety and restraint. Drinking less makes you sharper in wit, healthier in body and full of less regrets so it’s a win-win all around. If you don’t want to give it up completely why not try to just not drink during the week. It will save you money and is any easy perimeter to follow.

Read More – Reading is solitary and personal but it can also make it so that you have more to talk about with others. Reading is the most enjoyable thing and for me, like I think it is for so many other people, we seem to not have the time to do it as much as we want. Reading takes time, dedicated time, and focus and that is something one has to make conscious effort to do. But reading shouldn’t be a chore or obligation but a means in which to slow down, check out but also engage in other worlds and new ideas.

See More Art – Living in NYC is amazing, so much art all the time. But how often do you see shows? How often do you spend an afternoon walking around Chelsea, the Lower East Side, Uptown, Brooklyn, anywhere else in the city and just look at art? And not only just the shows you want to see but the shows you may not like, the shows you may not even know about? Looking at art is so important to understanding the context of the time we are living and the aesthetic and conceptual turns being made (or not made). I see so much art but I feel I am in a bubble sometimes, expanding what you see if key to keeping yourself engaged and refreshed.

Being Honest – There is a term floating out there called ‘radical honesty’ it’s a bit much in the context/method some people go about applying it but at its core it is an interesting concept. Essentially, it is the practice of being honest with everyone about everything. Brutality may sometimes feel a part of this but I think if done right, with real truth, towards oneself as well, it can be extremely transformative to how you engage with others and also your own perception of self. Honesty is not rudeness or meanness but a form of openness. I think this should be applied to how one views art, talk about it and critiques it but also in the most basic types of things like relationships and oneself. Try it, it’s hard but it’s different and rare.

Doing Things You Like – I know this seems so basic and vague but how often do we really do the things that we like? The construction of our lives are filled with so many forms of obligation or desires to please others that I think a lot of the time we find ourselves trapped in things we don’t truly enjoy. That can be with certain people, certain events, certain careers and jobs just to get by. And of course one can’t just do whatever they want all the time but think about the last few days, the last few weeks. How much of what you have been doing are things you truly enjoyed? If it’s less then 60% then make adjustments.

Find Love – Sorry to be so sappy but love is all we got. Whether that’s romantic, friendships, family or something grey in between, the only thing that will get us through this living business is love. Self-love matters too of course, that is the most important obviously, but giving seeking, wanting and being open to love is just as important. If you have love like that then appreciate it and let those you do know it. If you don’t, it’s okay, just keep looking and know it will happen if you want it to.