Monday, January 15, 2018

Meeting Someone You Like, You Don’t Like, Are Ambivalent Towards


 
What a strange week it has been. During the last few weeks I have been hyper social. I think I’m on day 15 of going out every night… It’s too much I know but unfortunately there doesn’t seem to be an end in sight, at least not for another week or so. During this time I have met a bunch of new people. Some have stuck out for one reason or another and some are just there. Below is a little reflection on what it feels like to meet new people in the social pool that is New York.

Meeting Someone You Like

This seems rare and the older you get, even rarer. When I say ‘someone you like’ I mean really like. Like they make you feel sparkles and different somehow. Coming into contact with someone new that can promote this type of energy is exciting and it’s hard not to just headlong dive into it. There is a type of magic that seems to be happening and because it’s so rare you embrace it and sometimes with irrational enthusiasm.

It’s a bizarre thing, to think about why you ‘click’ with someone and not with others. Is it timing? Is it some sort of past life re-meeting? Is it some matrix inside joke or is it just fun synchronicity? Who knows, but when it does happen it’s extremely fun because it somehow cracks your reality but also makes you feel more comforted that there are ‘like’ people out there that you feel akin to.

The danger of this magic dance is that it can be entirely all too consuming and possibly delusional. I think instinct is what is key at these moments though. Meeting a new person can energize but can also deplete. Balancing that is important and I think most of us have an internal warning bell that prevents, or at least tries to prevent, us from falling too deep in the mire of the new.


Meeting Someone You Don’t Like

This is pretty rare as well and unpleasant. To me, it’s not really all that bad and not really that discomfiting but more annoying. I truly believe that there are just people that one does not get on with and there may not be any reason why. It’s like animal dislike and while it may be there, stark and reeking, it doesn’t mean that you have to bite each other.

When I encounter someone I don’t like right off the bat its not just by an immediate glance or conversation but a series of cues that accumulate and register in my, ‘no’ box in my mind. These types of interactions are usually easy to avoid once determined but the kicker is when you and that someone you dislike are gravitating in the same social networks and you are somehow stuck bumping into and having to interact with said person. Now that is truly a drag and sometimes dangerous.

It is dangerous because the repeated contact, interaction, even if slight, with the person you don’t get on with accumulates and even the slightest thing about the other person can drive you mad. Then there is the possibility of explosion or lines of war where you both make everyone around you pick sides and then it becomes a hot mess of simmering gossip and pettiness. It’s all very gauche.

What I try to do when I meet someone I don’t like is to just ignore them. I will be polite if I have to be for the sake of others but it’s really quite easy to avoid someone while still being chill about it. I think festering, talking about or fueling one’s dislike for another just leads to bitter, bitter pain and frankly is so awful to be around for others. So ya, sometimes you might be oil and they might be water but who cares, no one wants a oil/water salad to begin with.


Meeting Someone You Are Ambivalent Towards

Maybe this is the cruelest type of interaction, meeting someone that makes no real impression on you. So many times I have met people named, Sarah, Mike, Jessica and so many times I don’t even remember meeting them. And yes, a lot of that is my fault. I’ve probably been drinking and just said ‘hi’ to 40 people and will say ‘hi’ to another 40 by the end of the night but yeah, so many times people get soooo upset that you honestly don’t remember them and the one minute conversation you had with them three weeks ago. 

Outside of meeting people in dense social situations, you sometimes meet these types of people in more intimate settings and although they are just fine and sweet and totally chill, they just someone slide off you mind with no effort by them or yourself. This evaluation probably reveals me to be a jerk, and maybe that is completely true, but dang, this happens a lot, and I think if you are honest with yourself, you will admit to it too.

I’m not sure why some people just feel like wall paper in a social setting and I’m not sure they care about it, which is somehow generous in a way but yeah, blending in seems a bit sad and odd. Most may think it’s the shy ones, the introverted ones, that this pertains too, but that’s not it at all. The shy ones are the most complex many times, but it’s this other type of person, one that is blank and inoffensive and tagging a long that I find so unmemorable.