Monday, March 26, 2018

My Boring/Busy/Beautiful Life This Past Week, Part V

Creative dinner party guests

So, I know I said I’d have some real deep art thoughts by this week but man, what a week I just had. I’m trying to re-stabilize and although I saw art and thought art thoughts, I’m too exhausted to make them coherent and I have a lot of work to do for my day job so I’m going to give you one of these things. It’s been a few months, seems chill and there is art stuff in here to (sort of...).

Soon, I swear, this blog will be worth reading again.

Monday 19

I completely don’t remember anything from this day. I know I went to work. I think I just went home and did things like clean my apartment and read or something but I truly do not remember. I’ve been thinking about how my memory has been lately. I sometimes forget complete days, weeks, years, people, and entire relationships. I’m not sure if that’s good, bad or early onset something. Has me worried…

Tuesday 20

Went to work. Went on a date. Went to Samuri Mama and basically ate the same meal as the other person which was sort of funny. Went to a bar and chatted. The person gave me lox from Zabar’s as a gift because I mentioned I was craving lox and bagels the last time we hung out. We talked and grunge music was on so we sang along sometimes. We decided to play pool. We start playing pool and this young, hip looking couple come up and ask if they can play. We say yes because we are both polite. They ask us assertively ‘What Do You Do?” we told them and we asked what they did because it seemed like that was what they wanted to be asked and they said “Lawyers” and I asked them what kind of law and they said “Defense.” They beat us at pool, I am really bad at pool, and they were kind of being dicks but it was fine because we were having fun with each other and basically ignored them. I doubt they were lawyers.

Wednesday 21

Snow Day! Was a bit hung over from night before so took it easy in the morning. Made weird food for lunch. Someone came over and they told me the plot of a TV show they had an idea for. It was about a Hasidic family in Williamsburg. It was captivating. I wish HBO would make it. We made pizza and a salad and talked most of the day. I was supposed to have Reading Group but it got cancelled which was for the best because I didn’t feel like leaving my apartment and the book we are reading sort of sucks. I played with my cats. Thought about my life choices and binge watched Netflix until bed.

Thursday 22

Went to work. Went to Coop to get groceries for dinner I was making for Saturday. Missed someone a lot that day and made me sad but that’s life eh? Saw friend when getting out of Uber with boxes of groceries and they helped me upstairs which was really nice. Had to get ready to meet friend for dinner back in Manhattan. Got bad news email on train and almost cried in public. Walked to restaurant and felt sad walking past ex’s place. Had nice dinner at Café Pastico with friend in from LA who is opening show later that week. She is funny and quite but not shy. Waiter was being weird. Went to Clandestino for drinks. Saw a few people I knew, chatted but remained in deep conversation with friend. Was nice. Felt better.

Friday 23

Went to work. Had to deal with bad news email all day. Was very upsetting. It’s about my eggs and freezing and $10,000. Feels hopeless. Feel like universe is fucking with me big time. Crying to customer service, doctor’s office and mom. Go to Grace Church to chill out and meditate on why god seems to be pissed at me. Feel calmer, get udon. Sit at desk blankly and feel like I am in a black hole. Leave work and pick up spices at Indian store on 1st Ave. Stop in Bodega to see friend’s show. It’s really good and poetic. Feel better. Go to Karma to pick up friend and look at show. It’s good and it makes me feel better. We go to the F to go uptown but I’m exhausted emotionally and ask if we can bail. She says sure so we go to Tile bar for $3 wines. We drink and talk and time gets away from us. We are missing all the openings of our friends we were planning to go to. I feel guilty but the bad news email makes me feel like everyone will understand. We go to Honey’s for the after parties. We know a lot of people there so feels fun and chill. There is a guy there who has been DMing me and we make eyes. I find out he has a girlfriend and that she is there and so I’m like, heck no, and stop making eyes with him. I DM someone to see if they want to meet me at bar. They never show up. I talk to a guy who works at a cool gallery and ask him why he wants to be my friend so bad. He gets earnest and tells me he has no friends and is lonely. I feel for him and tell him he can text me to hang if he wants but only as friends. We do drugs and drink and do more of that most of the night. Me and my friend have deep talks. It feels like an intense night. Someone asks me if my friend and me want to have a threesome – eww, no. Someone asks me if they can go home with me, it’s 3:30am and I’m like, no thank you. I take a car home and driver is trying to chit chat. I tell him I don’t want to talk.

Saturday 24

My brain is fried and I feel like something has died inside of me. I wake up at 11am and then lay in bed for an hour hating life choices. Get up and slowly make food for dinner party. Indian beet salad, pickled apples, Chana Punjabi, chicken and rice with apricots and almonds, raita and other stuff. I have to do it in intervals because I have to take breaks since so tired from last night. Friend comes over to help set up. Have a quick but sad conversation with them. Cry while I am cutting chicken. More people come. Have dinner party. Feel tired but rally to be a good host. People seem like they are having fun. I’m not sure anymore. People leave. Two friends stay and we talk and laugh and it’s really nice. They leave and I clean up. Go to bed at 3:30am

Sunday 25

Feel like I and wrung out from over socializing. Vegetate all day but have to do work so do things on computer for a while. Friend is having her opening and meeting other friend so put on clean sweatpants and head out. Wish I could cancel but feel like I cancelled too much this week so go. Show is nice. Give friend a hug. Briefly chat with a few people. Other friend arrives. She sees the show and we are both hungry and tired so go to Café Himalaya. Food is yummy. We talk and eat and it is chill. We take train back home together. We are both so sleepy. I get home and take a hot shower and watch some TV before passing out and have sad, vivid dreams.