Whoa, whoa,
whoa… Is it just me or are things way out of control with all
the policing people are doing to each other lately? By policing I mean, being
called out for literally any perceived offense/slight/misstep in regards to
politics, race, gender, etcetera, etcetera… I mean yes! Times are a changing
and things need to be talked about and many, many things need to be overhauled,
revamped and thrown out the window but WOW, the sheer level of bitterness
and total lack of true empathy and kindness is not only upsetting but frankly
offensive.
What am I
talking about? Well, I guess I can relay a few incidents that just happened in
the last week to me personally. (Last week was a doozy of WTF in incidents).
Example 1 –
Working on a project and I accidentally spelled someone’s name wrong because I
was literally in the throws of a viral infection but still had to go into work
because of the timeliness of the project. Sent email so participants could
check that their names and info were correct since I knew I was a bit out of my
gourd from illness. Person with misspelled name is furious and says I’m
basically a racist, xenophobe etc etc. on and on. I apologize and correct.
Person continues to imply I was intentional in misspelling and asks if spelled
anyone else’s name wrong. Turns out I did, a seemingly easy to spell white male’s
name… Was confronted about incident in person. Apologized again but made point
to say their reaction was unjust. It was just a human error… Issue resolved.
Example 2 – Same
project and was still loopy from illness so forgot to include someone’s name in
email, noticed mistake, emailed person, remedied and apologized. Person working
on project with me emails demanding that I need to call missing person and
apologize. Insane. There was a form of some white-guilt on their part I thought
the demand of accountability and power play seemed totally inappropriate. Said
nothing of the sort but resolved anyways. Person that was left out of email was
totally cool with oversight and said that I was “the best.”
Example 3 –
Person was rejected from a program I oversee. They email saying that they don’t
understand our review process and that it is essentially rigged and that
other’s who got it in the past don’t deserve it. Was incredibly out of line and
totally baseless. Program has a blind jury of three panelists that don’t even
know who each other are until end of voting. Usually email like this would not
upset me but was feeling shot to pieces by the bitterness of it and the total
lack of understanding. Didn’t reply back because really what is the point?
Example 4 – Post
something on social media using the word ‘derpy.’ Derpy is an actual word
meaning silly/foolish. Like it is in the Oxford English Dictionary. Someone
DM’d saying that I probably didn’t know I what I was doing but using that word
was offensive against mentally disabled people. I’m in shock. Have never seen
it used that way and start to google what the heck they are saying. Vague vague
references to this equalization. Feel pissed that a COMPLETE stranger has
audacity to message this to me. But also feel guilty because I don’t want to
offend anyone regarding mental disabilities. Like I literally tell people off
for saying the word “retarded” in any manner whatsoever. I remove ‘derpy’ from
post. Feel defeated. Trolls win.
So these are
just a few snippets of my disaster of a week dealing with call out culture.
These events and the general tenor of late has made me feel like a total bag of
crap and in addition it has made me furious! Most people assume a lot about
everyone. We all do, but I have the added layer of confusion because my name
reads as one thing (possibly male and white) when my actuality is not (Asian
women). People assume a lot just because of this and it’s totally mind boggling
to have to position myself as an ‘ally’ all the time when hello, look at me!
And not only look at me (because actions are the most vital part of
positioning) look at my life! What I do! Who I support!
But, I guess
these are the times we are living in. Everyone is feeling both desperate and
empowered to make changes, to fight the fight, to stand up, stick out and
change what they see as injustices. The way of going about it through anger and
judgment is relevant and at times necessary but there also needs to be a moment
of reflection. Self-reflection, and some compassion and openness and respect
above all. So if people want to throw eggs at my head for literally, I’m not
sure what – being a human that makes mistakes or is being perceived as a power
hungry gatekeeper – then go ahead. But it makes me not want to stand with you,
it makes me pity you and wish that some of that anger would lessen so that
there is more peace, understanding and love for oneself and others.
