Monday, August 26, 2019

I'm Backkkk (maybe)





Hello, is anyone there? So it’s been what… 6-8 months since the last time I posted on this thing? You are all probably totally checked out like I have been, but in the last few weeks I was craving my old venue to splat out my brain onto the wonderful ether of the internet.

The last month, the last almost year, has been a life-bomb of deeply bad things and general malaise things but the weird art of practicing thinking through words is something that is of greater benefit than maybe I even took into account. Regardless! Everyone deserves a vacation from themselves, even those of their own making, so ta-da! I’m back. (Sort of – who knows if this too is a one-time re-surfacing)…

Anyways! When I was falling asleep/waking up today (I forget which actually) I imagined myself posting on this thing again and while I sit here at my day-job literally stabbing time with my eyes, I thought, heck why the hell not.

Let’s bring back an old formula where I just rando blah blah on this thing and hopefully that will appease this urge to over share once again.


Boring Internet

Is it just me or does the internet seem BOR-RING? Like, I know it’s full of rabbit holes of wonder but sheesh, it all feels so canned and familiar. Even the exciting stuff gets horror-vacui-ed back into itself in seconds so that it just straddles the crap loop like everything else. Design online, the platforms and apps (new and updated), all just feel like vague 2.0s that are psychological dissertations on serotonin and reflex control. Maybe I’m too much of a Luddite or sci-fi wannabe but I want my internet to feel either simple in a way it has never been before or more mind blowingly advanced. I want lasers in my fingertips. LASERS! I want to experience a new type of visual language and experience versus creepscape populism and goopy emotional anorexia. Not sure how to change it, but aren’t there like a ba-jaillion coders out there who can’t even drink yet that can figure this out? Maybe it’s an infrastructure thing. Maybe the wunderkinds are out  there and the moneyed apparatus is still dino-teching them down, but meh, seems like if something can be broken the internet could be.


The Word Boring

So the other day I was saying how I was “bored” and then people all jumped on my back saying (boring) things like, “only boring people are bored” yadda yadda, essentially judging the crap out me cause I basically don’t feel stimulated? Aiyiyi, what a world. So yea, the concept of boredom is a reflection of probably some source, personal or structural, that yes you (me) as an individual could change, ‘work on’ adjust in some way but let’s be real. A lot of things, life, reality, is boring and that may be unpleasant but it’s the truth. Also when I say ‘bored’ I almost always mean the people. I mean I could be standing in line at security and if there is a funny person or incident or just general something not mundane occurring while on said line, that is not boring! If I’m at a banger party and the scene and vibe is fantastic but the person I am stuck hanging out with is a sop then I’m bored! If we are talking about politics, heavy duty stuff about one thing or another, if you are someone who has intelligent thoughts, perspective, attitude, then hell yeah it’s a blast. If you are regurgitating and incapable of real listening, empathy then booo bored I will be. So, it’s not that things are boring per se, its just that the people and the surrounds can be. Am I just being selfish? Perhaps. The suggestion that one has to be “entertained” is seeping out (though not the main focus), but heck, we are all mirrors. If you bore me, I’ll bore you. If I excite you, please excite me in return. If not, let’s just admit the situation as it is, boring or otherwise.


Male Emotional Landscape               

This might get some backlash but I am truly wondering about the (cis) male emotional landscape. Like what is in there? This is a topic of conversation that I have had with fellow (cis) women and it is truly a source of perplexity. For me personally as a woman, I feel that my emotional landscape is a goddamn Pangea of environments. There are deserts, valleys, deep cliffs and mellow bays. There are storms and pink clouds and fields of poppies and spooky swamps. Sometimes, when I imagine the male emotional landscape I image this vast horizon populated with the occasional oasis and these pit stop areas for snacks and refueling. I’m not trying to belittle or undermine the landscape of men in feelings but I truly do not understand! Someone please educate me. I know it may be faux pas but we are animals and our brains and hormones are real. Plus society. All that society that gets crammed down our bellies and in our brains that trip wires all this to sometimes ungodly places. Anyways, just throwing it out there. Truly perplexed and curious.


Repetition as Ritual

So this idea holds for basically everything, life, religion, relationships, work all of it, but I will point this a little bit towards ART since, hell, this did start off as an art blog. I am thinking about repetition and ritual not in the obvious form of the practice of people being artists. Duh, that can be talked about ad-infinitum. But what I am thinking about is the art structure and specifically the cycle of gallery to institution to museum. There is a path. Art always seems so mystical to outsiders on ‘how does it work’ and while there isn’t a CV by-lined trajectory there is actually sort of a CV by-lined trajectory. It all starts with the small shows, group shows, friend shows, then you make it to a smaller gallery then a few more here there, out of state, internationally, then you get into a smaller institution show and then the coup d'état, the big museum show. And then you start again but the levels are different, you go back to the friends and the galleries and worldwides but the context is different, the people are different (if not different at the same elevation as you) then you wait a few more years and another big museum show. Then again and again it goes again. You have to keep up with this flow. Even you going off to the desert and just chilling out is A-Okay because that’s apart of the step one cycle again, but you are allowed to do it! You earned the right to operate in that level as you see fit. It’s like an inverted cone, big base swirl at the top, tight swirl at the bottom. You are just repeating it all in this circuitous sort of way that feels natural but you are still in the cone. To be a person who is able to do this well you have to mantra, accept and desire for this revolution. You have to make it a life practice and have the patience and endurance to do it. We all do this all the time in basically everything so why not in making a career in the art world?