Monday, December 30, 2013

Things That Need to DIE in 2014

Just said, “oh god, it’s Monday,” realizing that it is another Monday and that’s the day this thing happens.  These past few weeks have been a blur, for real right? Holidays are the worst, it makes you have to shift your life and it makes things like remembering what day it is seem essential yet hard to grasp.  Anyways, they are about over, New Years is right up on us and I’m not sure about all of you but I can’t wait until we can get back to non-holiday schedules. 

I think we have all had enough of the year-in-review highlights, I don’t pay attention to them at all, but yes, this is a time for “reflection” and all that jazz.  I will not suffer you through another happy reminiscence of 2013 but will instead get all the grump out of me at once by giving you a list of things that I hope won’t be with us in 2014.  This is more like a vomit then a purge of negative juju but sometimes things have to be messy in order for it to be renewed.

Things That Need to DIE in 2014:

Graphic Tees – Not all graphic tees deserve the boot but most do.  You know what I’m talking about.  Anything that is big and black on white that has logos or all caps need to just STOP.

Museum Entrance Fees – WTF, just saw that PS1 charges for entry and heard buzz that The Met may get rid of its *suggested donation.  WTF?! Where are all the poor art kids supposed to go on dates?!

Most Art Magazines – They mean nothing.  They pay shit.

BHQF – It’s nice they do free classes and such but yeah…never understood why people fawned over them so much. Never. Ever.

Greek Revival – No more columns, busts, marble texture in anyone’s art/design for at least another 20 years please.

White Plaster – We get it, it’s white plaster. 

Pretending to be Liberal – This is for the art world at large.  You’re not, stop trying to co-opt everything.  Especially stop with your developing country fetishism and political asylum hero worship.

VIP – Haha. 

89 Plus – And basically anything/everything Hans does.

Whitney and Guggenheim Fails – You have so much money.  Why so many half-baked shows in a year? Why???

Klaus Biesenbach – Not like him as a person to actually DIE but yeah, all that other stuff he does. 

Public Radio Programs – It is getting soooooo bad.

Curators – Been dead, stay dead.

PRs that are emails/chats – Too boring, didn’t read.

Gowanus – Doing a studio visit there = taking up your whole night/day getting to and from.  #hate.

Performance Rap - :(

Girls who dress like strippers - :( :(

Logos – I think this past year did a very good job exhausting this.  Let’s all take a collective break.  Please.  I beg.

Group Shows – Unless a really (actually) good curator is organizing this, all else need to stop or just call it what it is, a room full of people’s friends that may or may not make art or make good art.

Downloadable PDFs – How do we not have another format?

Nike – The more Nike you wear the more… you probably are.

Vaping – It’s over kids.

Facebook – It’s over old people.

Being an “Artist” – You and the rest of this city.