Tuesday, June 9, 2015


Wow, sorry everyone just totally forgot it was Monday yesterday. It was a bit of a weekend, no excuses but yeah, one of those time melts that just happens once in a while. Anyways, for the sake of getting something on here and also to segment my time well for an eight hour library day, I’m going to just blitz through some thoughts on attraction that I have been thinking about these past few days.

Attraction is a funny thing. It’s not just in ‘the sexual way for another’ that I am thinking about it but the larger scope of it. The ‘sexual’ aspect of it is something that cannot be separated though, as I think, that the bodily always sticks to the concept of attraction and desire.

Attraction can be directed towards someone you want to ‘be with’ be with but it can also be for friends, objects, feelings, experience, and for ideas. It is something that happens when there is something external to oneself and the proximity, need, want or curiosity for it draws you towards it or makes you adjust yourself in order to be closer or understand it better.

For the physical sort of attraction it is many times linked with the chemical. Smells, tingles, pumps of the heart, tightness of the chest, flutters in the stomach. It feels like something has been injected into your blood and brains and it is now apart of you. The focus of your attraction becomes a concept, and at times an idealization. There is something very animal about it and at times, depending on the degree of the attraction, you find yourself acting like a feral animal of sorts and doing things that are beyond your normal rationalities. This type of desire is exhilarating but also can be frightening as it is a form of possession that incites a lack of control.

Physical attraction is something that is many times mostly surface. It is nature, hormones and sexuality reminding you that you are still animal. The surface can be good though; a propellant into attachment and reciprocity with another, if that attraction is mutual, and it can go beyond the chemical swarms. But many times this is unbalanced, impulsive and short lived. It is addictive to some and scary to others and the syncing of it is often precarious and lacking in endurance.

Attraction for a friend has links to the physical but there are parameters that define and negotiate this. I believe that anyone who is friends with another in any meaningful way has some sort of sexual affection and impulse towards that other person. Whether that is ever manifested or not is another series of restraints and possibly repressions but I do truly believe this. I think this because through the affection and care one has for another and through feelings, experiences and closeness there is a warmth and trust that grows. This is a form of intimacy and a powerful form of it. The body is the site of this connection and to extend that in a physical way is natural, albeit definitely not necessary.

Friendship is an evolved sort of attraction in which there is someone that extends oneself and is a means of relaying oneself. This is done through the various things I noted above like experiences, conversations, time spent together, and meaningful things seen and shared. It is also the subtly of the mundane, the sharing of time that can be dull and stagnant but there is an accumulation which binds the highs and the lows. This attraction is mutual and it has degrees of development and scales of worth and need but it is one that makes us much less isolated and more complete in the living of life and the punctures, dramas, and repetitions of it.

Attraction to things, objects or ideas is another ballpark but the same field as the above relayed forms of attraction. This is when there is an inanimate, non-human (non-bodied), thing or concept that draws one towards it in its potential. The attraction is for the potential of the thing and the possible meaning associated with it. It is a thing of desire and to posses this thing means something. Or at least there is an idea/illusion that it does. This thing can be as simple as a bag, shoe or car. It can also be a certain branding of identity or an idea of self. It can also be a philosophy, a movement, a politics of self and the group in which this encircles. This type of attraction is at times simple but it is also one that is a form of entrapment as it has the potential to externalize the self. What I mean by this is that this action of wanting something external to oneself and the belief that this will enhance or transform the self is deluded as it lacks long term and meaningful reciprocity that is essential for generative attraction/desire. This is an endgame of sorts, which does have certain short-term benefits but in the big scale of things is quite shallow.

Maybe I’m being too harsh on the object/ideas thing. Maybe. What I do feel confident in though is the notion of the body and attraction and how through attraction there is a reminder of our nature as sexualized beings and also that this is healthy and necessary in forming ourselves. It is through shared experience that one can learn to better understand oneself and others and to enjoy and understand the situation of living that we are in. Attraction is a powerful thing and one that can unlock things, if you let it. It’s like a fire; it’s warm, bright, alluring but be wary as well because it can also burn. It’s getting warmer. Open yourselves up to all your attractions and follow them as far as you want.