Monday, June 29, 2015

I Just Can't Even

Today is one of those days where I just can’t even with just about everything. Nothing bad is happening but it’s one of those you wake up out of bed and you know it’s going to be one of those shit days. And maybe you are making that happen for yourself because you are wishing, expecting it to be a shit day and when it reveals itself and proves itself to be a shit day you can’t even be pissed off because you and your shit attitude probably deserve it. Ugggggggggg. Monday. Anyways yeah, I can’t even be bothered with writing this post today so anyone who even gives a crap about reading this has to deal with my bad attitude. Please eject now if you don’t want to be in my perma shit waves or continue reading if you too are having a shit day and just can’t deal.

Here’s a list of things that are just so Uggg right now to me.

Art – Sorry but art is so blah to me right now. I’m looking, searching, hoping to find little gems out there and there are a few here and again but overall (specifically contemporary art) has been just so blah blah blah. I am not sure why that is, there’s so damn much of it that statistically this should be impossible but going to see shows in London and recently in NYC has been as fascinating as a drinks and hors d'oeuvres meet and greet. It all looks fine and acts fine but there is something so flat and pasty about it all. Maybe it’s the season. Summer spurns the blasé but truly, I wish someone was making a scene and passing around some vodka in a flask or doing body shots in some aesthetic and conceptual manner.

Reading – I just want to read a novel but I am shackled to theory and neuroscience. FML.

Sleeping – I have been having insane sleeping habits and this morning I was having crazy weird sex dreams which is very rare and it makes me feel very very nervous to go to bed tonight. Eeeek!

Drugs – Over it.

Smoking – Tried to quit smoking but then I just think about Joan Didion and then I just smoke.

Internet – It’s there but it seems very weirdly stagnant. I know that’s just me but there is something repulsive about it and plodding. I’ve never had that intense of a relationship to it but now it seems so catered and regular and obvious. Also all that checking in and checking up is a bit weary. I’ve never been one of those ‘let’s go dark’ re: the internet but yeah. It’s like a weird buzz button social numbing device and it just seems so pedestrian.

Phone – I hate my phone service provider. O2. Die, Die, Die.

Eating – Why have I never dated anyone that can just cook me food and put it in front of me and then I can clean the dishes after? Why? Where are you people?

Walking – Sometimes I just want to be put in a wagon and wheeled around. Not a wheelchair. A wagon, the ones with the wheel in front and two handles in the back. And then when I reach my destination whoever is pushing it can just dump me out.

Library – My personal prison. My personal hell. The only place I want to be. The agony!

What People Are Doing – I just don’t care about your show, your new project, where you have been, where you are going, what you did last night, who you are having sex with, who you want to have sex with, who you are not supposed to be having sex with, what you ate, what movie you saw, what party you went to. It’s not so much that I don’t care but if you care that I care then yeah, I don’t care.

Exercise – I feel like I am shrinking, like actually getting even smaller. It is freaking me out so maybe I should like run and lift things but then I’m like never mind, I’ll just sleep for another hour.

Thinking About The Future – There’s really just nothing to say about that.