Today is one of those days where I just can’t even with
just about everything. Nothing bad is happening but it’s one of those you wake
up out of bed and you know it’s going to be one of those shit days. And maybe you
are making that happen for yourself because you are wishing, expecting it to be
a shit day and when it reveals itself and proves itself to be a shit day you
can’t even be pissed off because you and your shit attitude probably deserve
it. Ugggggggggg. Monday. Anyways yeah, I can’t even be bothered with writing this
post today so anyone who even gives a crap about reading this has to deal with
my bad attitude. Please eject now if you don’t want to be in my perma shit
waves or continue reading if you too are having a shit day and just can’t deal.
Here’s a list of things that are just so Uggg right now to
me.
Art – Sorry but art is so blah to me right now. I’m looking,
searching, hoping to find little gems out there and there are a few here and
again but overall (specifically contemporary art) has been just so blah blah
blah. I am not sure why that is, there’s so damn much of it that statistically
this should be impossible but going to see shows in London and recently in NYC
has been as fascinating as a drinks and hors d'oeuvres meet and greet. It all
looks fine and acts fine but there is something so flat and pasty about it all.
Maybe it’s the season. Summer spurns the blasé but truly, I wish someone was
making a scene and passing around some vodka in a flask or doing body shots in
some aesthetic and conceptual manner.
Reading – I just want to read a novel but I am shackled to
theory and neuroscience. FML.
Sleeping – I have been having insane sleeping habits and
this morning I was having crazy weird sex dreams which is very rare and it
makes me feel very very nervous to go to bed tonight. Eeeek!
Drugs – Over it.
Smoking – Tried to quit smoking but then I just think about
Joan Didion and then I just smoke.
Internet – It’s there but it seems very weirdly stagnant. I
know that’s just me but there is something repulsive about it and plodding.
I’ve never had that intense of a relationship to it but now it seems so catered
and regular and obvious. Also all that checking in and checking up is a bit
weary. I’ve never been one of those ‘let’s go dark’ re: the internet but yeah.
It’s like a weird buzz button social numbing device and it just seems so pedestrian.
Phone – I hate my phone service provider. O2. Die, Die, Die.
Eating – Why have I never dated anyone that can just cook me
food and put it in front of me and then I can clean the dishes after? Why?
Where are you people?
Walking – Sometimes I just want to be put in a wagon and
wheeled around. Not a wheelchair. A wagon, the ones with the wheel in front and
two handles in the back. And then when I reach my destination whoever is
pushing it can just dump me out.
Library – My personal prison. My personal hell. The only
place I want to be. The agony!
What People Are Doing – I just don’t care about your show,
your new project, where you have been, where you are going, what you did last
night, who you are having sex with, who you want to have sex with, who you are
not supposed to be having sex with, what you ate, what movie you saw, what
party you went to. It’s not so much that I don’t care but if you care that I
care then yeah, I don’t care.
Exercise – I feel like I am shrinking, like actually getting
even smaller. It is freaking me out so maybe I should like run and lift things
but then I’m like never mind, I’ll just sleep for another hour.
Thinking About The Future – There’s really just nothing to
say about that.
